It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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