Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
