So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
