my sisters under your porch take her home
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize