why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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