I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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