I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Reggie can tackle my bush.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
