ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
