I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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