Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
