Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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