yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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