I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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