Tell her she can't have a vagina
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
