Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
should my penis look like a turkey
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
