My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize