I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Randomize
