I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
