I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
