I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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