You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
