In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize