i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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