i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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