Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
