Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
