I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
