What a fucking waste of an outfit
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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