So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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