Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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