my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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