Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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