Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So much rum. So many feels.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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