dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
