I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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