Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize