I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
