i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
