He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize