and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
