You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
