dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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