Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
