Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
