Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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