I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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