I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
