Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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