she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
did i walk over a car last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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