By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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