I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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