Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
