I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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