Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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