I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize