I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
