this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
