I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
