I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
