I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
