So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
