Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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