I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
