How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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