I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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