My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize