Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
