I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hippo gnu deer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
