I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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