just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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