I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
