at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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