When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
