just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize
