butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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