Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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