i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
