I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
