eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
