we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize